Feeling a deeper connection to Nature, to all. I can tell another layer has been shed to bring me more into alignment with the true Self. As I walk outside today I knew everything was speaking to me without words, the trees, the sky, the birds, the dogs, the grass, the squirrel that starred into my eyes, the gleaming light of the sun through the clouds, the droplets after a rain shower, all I felt connected to and all knew it was connected to me too. Knowing I am the Earth, I am the Universe and all that is Concious and Conciousness.
Beyond words is this feeling of deepened connection, intuition, subtle but yet so profound. A Knowing within without any doubt. I trust fully as I surrender to God’s will. As I feel the grace of the Divine Mother and Divine Holy Father hover over me, embraced, embodied, embedded as the activation of my dormant chrystalline DNA awakens so does my connection to the All that is. As I pass through the birth canal of the darkened womb of The Holy Creator, the Mother of All Mothers, I feel her frequency, her vibration vibrate throughout my entire being. What a beautiful and wonderful feeling it is to be birthed again.
Can turning off our capacity to feel shut down our capacity to heal? Our nervous system is working on over drive, at some point can shut down due to overload?
For the many years that I spent numbing out and chemically functioning through life, either on anti-depressants, sleeping pills, over the counter meds, drugs, alcohol, yet I hid it so well. I was still “functioning” and “responsible”, still doing my job as a mother, wife, an employee, taking care of our home but inside felt lost. As I’ve mentioned before, in 2017 I finally gave in to meditation, (specifically a Kundalini Yoga meditation called Kirtan Kriya; a simple mantra repeating Sa Ta Na Ma while touching my thumb with each sound to each finger tip). I was so desperate to feel change, to feel better, was wanting to move away from substances and also needed to try something different it in hopes that my daughter would try it as well because at a young age she was experiencing anxiety (which really was my undealt emotions). I had no expectations, honestly I was almost wanting to say “ha, see it doesn’t work for everyone”. But out of the blue I began to feel different, calmer, focused, clear for the first time.
The part that comes next not sure everyone will experience but rather quickly my senses began to sharpen, heighten, unexpectedly one night I heard guitar strings strumming out of no where, I would hear my name being called, even heard a choir of angels after a silent 45 minute meditation, flooded with different smells, strange at first but then I began to feel a rush of love, elation, bliss, ecstasy. I had hit that sweet spot where I was in a elevated state of awareness. I felt so connected to God, to the Universe that I couldn’t wait to meditate again. Experience after experience of a mystical loving nature. I began to connect with Angelic energy, my highest self, just an all loving presence and felt so present in presence. It was a feeling that surpassed any drug, as if we know it is possible to reach that point of absolute and we chase it our whole lives through our addictions. And not just chemical/substance abuse but chasing the high that shopping gives us, that gambling, that eating, that relationships, that even stress gives us, to fill the emotional void. Except for a whole year I was able to maintain this feeling even outside of meditation. Not the elation part but a steady feeling of joy, nothing bothered me, I had reached a level of clarity. It was like my Divine mind, heart and soul were all in alignment with God, the all that is almost all the time.
And just like everything else in my life, when I thought I mastered that I moved away from Kundalini Yoga and honestly never tried the array of breath work it provides along with the science to back up why the sound current of the mantras, the hand movements, the breathing techniques help to reprogram our subconscious mind and nervous system to bring us to whole balance.
Prior to the Dark Night of the Soul experience in May 2018, I would say around February, March 2018 I began to have a lot of self doubt, fear began to creep back in, after I became attuned to Reiki and began self healing which in turn made me take a deeper look at what I could no longer run from, the lies I had been telling myself. See although I was doing everything “right” on the outside, I really had not done the inner work (a complete spiritual bypass) and on my soul’s path it required that I have a deeper understanding of my blocks. Kundalini Yoga, is the yoga of awareness combined with Reiki Energy healing there was no more pretending, no more tolerance for the false self anymore. Although I try to stay away from labels now, I didn’t know I was an empath, I didn’t know we are all psychically gifted, I thought only those that were worthy not me were so inclined. As the planet continues to shift we are waking up more and more every day. Our level of awareness will continue to feel uncomfortable unless we do something to truly bring balance to our whole system.
I’ve been told we have the technology to keep up with this technological time we live in, but this technology is within all. Through practices that use the breath, sound, mantra, stillness, movement, ways of working with the body, we can reach a level of awareness of Conciousness that surpasses any computer program because we our Conciousness which is the cloud of wisdom, our heart is the mother board, and our Soul and Spirit are the directors that orchestrate it all alongside God, the light.
Subconscious Reprogramming, Release, Relief and why it is beneficial: The subconscious can only hold so much before it over flows. Due to the rise of technology and the massive amounts of input at our finger tips we need to rework our systems to handle this as we were not designed for this obsessive, compulsive, look up everything kind of access. People will begin to feel insane and sometimes this can happen in a moment. This has been a part of my experience so I can have a deeper understanding of how to help others that are experiencing symptoms due to this. As Collectively we are going through a subconscious release to shift the patriarchy, the Egoic, conditioned programming that will no longer work on the New Earth (the children of now don’t understand it and will not tolerate it, they came in with different programming, different light codes to help us shift out of this outdated way of being and living).
When we are conscious, we become self-aware. Aware of our thoughts and the programming which is our deep ingrained taught way of being, our beliefs that we soaked up like a sponge until we were 7 years old. These beliefs have been playing out in our world for so long. As we pay attention to the constant chatter that flows in our minds which is an outcome, based on our inner belief system, as well as the outer input that we allow in and soak up due to the fact that we can all feel on a much deeper level (energy transference). We can become the witness to the judgments we make about others and ourselves. Begin to ask where did this originate? Why do I think this way? Why do I believe this? Does it serve me? Does it feel good? Does it bring me joy or do I feel horrible, guilt and shame filled for having these thoughts? If so know it is quite normal. We are human, the human conditioning we have been born into is shifting and changing, which is a good thing. The outdated conditioning is breaking down over the next couple of years within each of us and we are literally receiving a DNA upgrade within our cellular memory (similar to a computer or an app that every now and again needs the updated version applied to it in order for it to run at it’s optimized strength and speed).
But change is usually not easy, if it was then everyone would do it. Many may say they want change but what I have seen (even in myself until I was forced to create change) they rather go through years of feeling horrible than do the inner work to create the change we want to see in our lives. We look back at let’s say 20, 30, 40 years of the same unserving behavioral patterns, as well as unwanted, uncomfortable physical ailments that can turn into chronic pain, that we keep complaining about but when approached with “you can finally heal this”, you can change that old lie and given the tools to do so, many run for the hills.
We are taught we don’t talk about certain things, families have secrets, skeletons in the closet and they need to stay in the closet. People die and we are told you get one week of bereavement pay because you should be over it in a week, there are so many rules that no longer work and will no longer apply in our evolving culture. Not in our evolving society, anymore. Look at what we have built a tolerance to. If you watch the news for 5 minutes, how many shootings, violence against another, bullying, robberies, how much hatred and anger erupts in our face in those 5 minutes? But yet we are conditioned that if we are not glued to this programming than we will miss out on something. This is our fear based world, that we have become numb to, why do we continue to accept so much fear? It has been our “norm”but it is no longer.
We have been brought to our knees and what I was asked during my Dark Night of the Soul experience is who is my biggest trigger?, If the darkness were to attack my children would I change? Of course. Well guess what your children feel, hear and see the parents shadows, they know your families secrets, they came here to be the light and to shine their light on our shadows. If we see them in pain will that finally make this madness stop? We will have no choice but to do the work, when we see our children fall to their knees at 7, 8, 9 years old watching your child have panic attacks, visions of being beaten, attacked verbally and physically but not their own trauma and hurt, to be the witness so that they can transmute our pain into light. To do what many volunteered to do which is turn your fear into love. To teach you how to love yourself. Because if we are not going to witness it someone has to, for it to be healed (this is science, not woo, woo stuff, it’s Quantum physics/ Quantum healing….the act of observing makes it so and heals).
I have held back for way too long about what I know, what I’ve been told, and how our children are the most brilliant beautiful innocent beings of pure love. They literally can walk into a store and everyone in the store shifts. I’ve seen it happen, unfortunately the child will begin to feel panicked, like they can’t breathe, sick to their stomach and practically drop whatever they have in their hands and run out to get away from all our garbage, from our energy. Or they drop down and have a tantrum out of no where. And Autism, these are the biggest light workers and you think they can’t communicate, they are telepathically speaking to us, you just have to much clutter in your brain to hear them. Or you just can’t believe that, telepathy is a thing but you’ll believe a prognoses and scary diagnoses.
Wake up people because if you do not take the steps to take care of yourself, your home, your side of the street, the garbage can only be piled so high before it implodes or explodes. This may seem harsh and I usually am not this brash but I experienced it. It was not easy and was not fun but there are ways to bring yourself to balance, to heal. I’ve spent the past couple of years testing so many different tools to be brought back to where I began and that was Kundalini Yoga Breath work/Meditation. I will be honest my nervous system was shot after my Dark Night of the Soul Experience in May 2018 but by making a commitment to self care to include practices that are consistent and combining Self Reiki healing (among other tools, such as, Mirror work, journaling, nature walks, prayer, so many self care tools to choose from. And perhaps it’s not a one size fits all and I hope you find what works for you). But this is the strongest I have felt ever. Perhaps I can be a mentor and a guide to assist you to find what works for you, as we all are transitioning and transforming.
And this strength not only helps me but ripples out and now my energy stays within my energy field and my aura acts like a lighted shield from negativity. I still feel and can connect but in a way that now my empathic nature has become a super power (I can feel the lies, I can feel the in-authenticity, I can feel the power of another, someone that is centered and full of love and some that could use a bit of strengthening in their own system. I can see through the perfect social media family portrait and feel the stress on those smiling faces. And I can have deep compassion because I know what it feels like, when we have to juggle so much and don’t feel we have time to give to the most important person in your life….You, the person you have look in the mirror).
This is aSuggestedTool and I suggest begin this practice today: So Darshan Chakra Kriya (a Kundalini breathwork meditation to get rid your subconscious garbage, de-clutter the mind and bring balance to the left and right side of the brain and our nervous system). This has saved my life along with other tools that I will share. Look it up on YouTube, super easy begin with 5 minutes and then increase to 11 minutes and so on. More tools to come, you may also contact me for a Reiki Session and I have no problem doing Reiki on children but parents need to do a session first and may need more than one session (I have witnessed after the parent heals, the child/children no longer have the issues the parents were seeing because it’s not the child’s issue it’s the parents that the child has taken on in some way).
Are you operating in the now? Are your decisions based on what is right in front of you? Or are you unconsciously making a decision today based on past fearful outcomes, past judgements and out of fear of how others will perceive you? Unknowingly, projecting fear into your life and into the lives of others. Constantly giving advice based on fear because of the conditioning and programming that is so ingrained into our psyches that if not aware of it and not willing to make changes, we will continue living in fear, anxiety, lacking trust in almost everything we do and everyone. Have your children begun taking your projections of fear and have implemented them into their lives, their behaviours, taking your stories and making it theirs?
Begin to really become aware, start really asking “why am I doing this?”, Am I trying to control someone because I feel they need to be fixed but not willing to look at your own neurotic behavior? As a person who spent years feeling a need to save everyone or worse wanting others to change to fit into a box that I thought was how we are “supposed” to be and act, not until I began on this journey of self discovery, realizing being spiritual doesn’t mean I am exempt from things happening to me, it just means I don’t make excuses anymore and when I do I catch myself. That is what awareness is about, we witness our behaviors and can easily begin to see if they are ego/fear based or from love/our higher aspect of self.
I was guided into healing for all the wrong reasons (but then again a higher power knew the motive had to be something that would trigger me to my core to want to pursue it, my children). When I thought there was a problem and thought I could fix it, heal it, heal our family, knowing now if it weren’t for me getting on a healers table to see what it was about before I put my own child on one, the healer the whole time saying nothing was coming up for my child but a whole lot was coming up for me. I remember the comment, “her fears come from you, you are not intentionally doing this but they are yours” and even then I didn’t want to take responsibility, how could I, I couldn’t see it at the time, so I couldn’t receive a message like that. I just wanted my baby fixed, someone help her to feel better. And so it began. What I thought was her journey was mine (so damn smart she knew it at the age of 8 years old, that her mom needed to come to the realization on her own, that I am worthy of love and needed to learn how to love myself).
We will always be lead to where we are meant to be. Not everyone will get “it” in this lifetime but I have a feeling a lot of people that once asleep are waking up and when you are ready, I will be here. Begin your journey of self discovery, become aware of how you may be living unconsciously.
In the unified field of consciousness that connects us all, through our free will we can choose love, peace and joy or fear, judgement and anger. Yes there are events, experiences in our life that lead us to feel emotions that have us feeling fearful constricted but in those moments how do we choose to perceive what is happening? Is it happening to us or for us? Are we looking to learn and grow or stay stuck in the fear? Our thoughts can spiral out of control playing out fear based stories but if we can take a moment drop into our hearts and lead from this space we can feel expanded.
Knowing now our emotions are very real and my belief is there is no right or wrong way to handle a situation. Sometimes very necessary to feel it, head on not run away from our feelings. They are showing us something, wanting us to ask, “why are you here again?” Wait, be still for a moment and listen for the answer. It’s when we pretend for to long and have no true connection to our truth that we put to the side, judge ourselves for not being tough enough, call ourselves cry babies, because we were told we should just get over things. Yes I do not think it serves to stay in fear of past events but if we can allow ourselves to feel, say I feel you, acknowledge, it can’t take hold of us in the way we have let in the past. Because we are all ascending, transforming, when we choose to not deal with our emotions this is an old paradigm that will not work anymore.
What I have been shown is everything I’ve pushed away avoided feeling and didn’t want to feel old emotions that surfaced and I was forced to face. As the veil gets thinner we may all be forced to face the things we pushed away so that we can finally live in a more heart centered way, where we allow our intuitive mind to do the thinking, our hearts because that is where it’s real. Our hearts do not lie, once we heal our broken heart we will feel that oneness, that connection to all.